Today is the first day of the rest of my life (or at least that's what I hear)

I just got off the treadmill. I would much rather run outside than inside, but even now, at 8:30 pm, it's somewhere around 97 degrees with a billion percent humidity. So, yeah. Treadmill.

I did 1.5 miles in exactly 20 minutes. 4 mph at 2 incline for 5 minutes, than alternated 1 minute at 6 mph and 1 incline with 2 minutes of 4 mph at 2 incline. Damn I'm out of shape. It burned 240 calories, which means I burned somewhere around 150 calories realistically. Add that to my dinner of a grapefruit, a small bowl of egg drop soup and a small bowl of chocolate cheerios, and I'm somewhere around 1,100 calories today.

And zero alcohol units. YAY ME.

So...
Yesterday: -500 calories
Today: -900 calories

I'm almost half way to a pound. (I know. I know. It's still day one.)

Yeah, I kinda suck at blogging

Yeah, yeah. It's only been like six months since I last posted, but whatevs. I'm back on the bandwagon. Again! But this time it's going to stick! (Don't you love the enthusiasm?)

So anyhoo, I'm going to do a Bridget Jones inspired section all up in here. You see, I'm coming up on 40 years old and, well, my sporadic bursts of exercise and good health simply aren't cutting it anymore if I want to continue to fit into my clothes. So.... here goes.

From today on, I'm going to attempt to eat less than 1,500 calories a day and I WILL walk at least one mile on the treadmill. Every day. Did I mention this was going to happen each and every day?

So, yesterday I consumed 1,350 calories. Victory! (No treadmill, I just decided that today).

Today, so far, I'm at 625 calories as of 4:10. And as my Facebook friend Rocky's post said this morning. Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you. Amen!

I have a new love, and thy name is...

sweet potato. I'm totally serious. I know it sounds bizarre, but if you can't eat pumpkin pie all day long (which I would do if I lived in rainbow fairy land), sweet potatoes are the next best thing. They are warm, creamy, sweet comfort food at it's best, plus you can actually feel like you did something good for the day at the same time!

I've been doing sweet potato fries for awhile now (chop up sweet potato into fry-type shapes, spray with olive oil and sprinkle with assorted seasonings, bake at 425 or so for 20ish minutes, dunk in ketchup, do happy dance). In fact, the kids will even eat them (HA, HA, I WIN).  But my favorite by far is just washing one, sticking it in the microwave for 4 or 5 minutes, cutting it open, pouring on some sugar free maple syrup and digging in. Sounds gross, tastes awesome.

Feed a family of 4 at McDonalds for $8 for under 500 calories each

I am a total nutrition nerd. Some people surf the 'net for interesting things, like videos of annoying oranges. But oh no, I am not nearly that cool. Instead, I surf fast food sites for their nutritional value charts. Hi, my name is Missy and I have spent hours pouring over Taco Bell's fresco menu. ("Hi Missy!")

I am also one of the biggest tight asses you'll ever find when it comes to money. In my household, we rarely eat out. And if we do, Happy Meals are a TREAT. I also whip my children daily with a leather straps and regularly tie them to a tree in the yard and throw snowballs at them.

Do you hae ANY idea how much the American family spends on eating out each week? Yeah, I don't either but I bet it's a lot. Also...seriously! Do you know how many calories the average American eats every single DAY? Okay, I don't know that one either, but I bet it's more than it should be. So, when we go to McDonalds on my watch, we each get the following:

• A regular cheeseburgers ($1)
• Either a fruit and yogurt parfait or apple dippers (each $1)
• A large water (FREE!)

It's two bucks per person and under 500 calories. I KNOW!

I think the cheeseburger/fruit and yogurt parfait is pretty much the perfect fast food meal. You get all four food groups (bread and granola, yogurt and cheese, fresh berries and...pickles?, plus a teeny little meat patty). It's a grand slam of delicousness and frugality all rolled up into one!

OK, OK. I know you're saying "Come on now. How am I gonna satisfy my man with a puny little cheeseburger and a water?" First, GIRL, let me tell you-- my boyfriend is 6' 2", 220 and this meal is perfect for him. If he's particularly hungry, he gets a McDouble (90 extra calories and still $1!) and an extra McChicken (also $1!) You're still under $10 and he his arteries are still relatively unclogged.

So, next time you're lamenting your financial situation, or the size of your ass, but you can't face making dinner AGAIN, swing through McDonalds and order the Smart Girl Special! (Or, just ask for a cheeseburger and a fruit and yogurt parfait. That would probably be better.)

Why I love the Internet

I just watched a video of Josh Grobin singing the best of  Kanye West's tweets, and read a story written entirely in vagina euphamisms. 'Nuff said.

(Walkin') the plank

Every year, I start out the year with a HUGE BANG, which generally dies down to a weak sizzle within a few days. I'm talking about the usual gung ho "This is the year I GET HEALTHY! Eat RIGHT! Exercise 42 HOURS A WEEK! Let me at it!"

Yes I tend to way overdo it out of the chute, and then burn out almost immediately. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. Moderation? Nonsense. If three days a week of exercise is good, 7 days is better. And if 30 minutes a day is acceptible, why not do 3 hours instead? I mean come on people. Feel the BURN!

(I also drive this way, which drives Bob completely nuts. I go from zero to 30 in about 2 seconds. I don't slow down for corners. According to Bob I drive "like a bat outta hell." I think I just missed my calling as a NASCAR driver.)

This year, I'm going to truly practice moderation (just in exercise--not driving). One thing I know for sure is that they key to good health is consistency. And I am absolutely horrible at consistency--in pretty much all areas of my life. So, I'm going to dedicate this year to doing a few things in moderation, but doing them every day. One thing I'm going to do every morning is the plank. I have terrible posture and I sit at my laptop all day on a crappy non-ergonomic chair that OSHA would probably condemn. But the plank is a miracle exercise. Just a few minutes a day can do wonders. So, I'm going to start out with three sets of a 30 second plank every morning and see where it goes. I'm sure I'll probably have a 6-pack in about a week. And if not, I QUIT! (Just kidding!)

1/1/11: Start your year with a really cool, really cheap present for yourself!

Hello people of the Internet! I'm not going to go into some high falutin' explanation of what this blog is all about, who I am, or why I'm qualified to tell you what to do. We've got PLENTY of time for that later my friends. Just you wait and see!

Anyway, I failed miserably last year in my blogging attempt because I felt like I had to write a disertation-like post each and every time I got online, which seriously hindered my ability to blog on any type of a regular schedule. However, I do spend a lot of time trying to save money and time, and making sure my butt fits in the same size jeans. So, I believe it is my duty to share what I know to help everyone out there be just like me. Only BETTER!

So, today, I'll let you in on a new bargain web site I just found out about 2 weeks ago: http://www.nomorerack.com/. If you like designer clothes, purses and other stuff like make-up, kids toys, etc., I think this site may be the motherlode of bargains.

"No more rack" sells deeply discounted designer items that aren't TOO designer-y, aka too expensive (more Nine West as opposed to Jimmy Choo). Anyway, the site posts eight new deals every day at noon Eastern time. And let me tell you, I've yet to get in on a purse deal because the good stuff sells out in minutes. I think you have to be poised and ready to pounce immediately (sort of like you're bidding on that Holy Shit a vintage pez dispenser collection! on Ebay). They've got some HELLA good deals on this site. I've seen killer Stila lipglosses for $2. And shipping is just two bucks so you can make out like a bandit.

Check it out and see for yourself. I realize that spreading the word will make the awesome $20 purses even that much more difficult for me to snag, but that's just how much I love you all!

p.s. Don't feel sorry for me. I know no one is really reading this yet. But you know, I WILL love you. Just as soon as someone starts reading this thing (she laughs nervously).